Even after Twin Peaks had melted into a mishmash of cherry pie and backward-babbling midgets, we kept tuning in for the trendsetting series’ sultry vixens — especially Donna, the girl next door with a dark secret played by the alluring Lara Flynn Boyle. Many of the show’s other stars faded away, but Lara scored sexy roles in cool indie films like Red Rock West and Happiness. Now she’s been tempted back to TV to steam up The Practice. While her seductive assistant district attorney character has helped juice the ratings, 29-year-old Lara’s private life has been heating up as well, with her current fling with Jack Nicholson. During our bull session at L.A.’s swanky Polo Lounge, Lara lit up a few Marlboros and laid down the law on everything from weight-watching gossips to phone sex.

The guys around the Maxim office consider you to be the thinking man’s vamp. How does that sit with you?
I totally dig that. I like vamping it up. As soon as you get over caring what people think, you can have a nice time.

Your character on The Practice — sultry-D.A.-with-an-attitude Helen Gamble — loves to do it her way, too.
I’m definitely playing Helen as hungry and strong. I pray for the scenes where it’s me up against four guys and I rip them to shreds. And you know what? Men love it. They have a sense of humor, whereas a lot of women are threatened or just don’t get it.

Would you make a good lawyer?
I think I would do great arguing a case — I love formulating an opinion and fighting for it to the bitter end. But as far as the homework and the grit of the game, no, thank you. I’m too lazy.

If you could enact any law about men, what would it be?
I’m not sure — and they’d just break ’em anyway!

Have you ever been in jail?
Nope. But I have been in court quite a few times. I love fast cars … and to go too fast in them.

Ever hit anything?
When my mom and I were driving home one time on Easter, she ran over a rabbit. She killed Peter Cottontail. So every Easter, I say to her, "Remember what you did?"

Didn’t your mom move with you from Chicago to L.A. when you were starting your career?
Yeah, the day after I graduated from high school.

Ever regret not settling for a more low-key, Midwestern life?
God, no. A cheerleader’s life? God bless ’em … but I’d rather drink bleach.

But you were shy as a kid. How did you get over that?
I think I just finally realized that I was missing out on so much fun. I still sweat bullets if I go on The Tonight Show, but I tell myself, You can either have fun tonight or you can be shy and miserable. You ask my friends or anyone I work with now — nobody would say I was shy.

What do you notice first about a guy?
His hands. I’m a sucker for small, Irish hands — like in my family.

What’s the best way to let a guy know you’re interested?
Stick your tongue down his throat. There’s nothing like somebody who has the balls to just come up and give you a big kiss. Sort of says it all.

I’m not sure about that "balls" part, but why aren’t more women like you?
With some single women, as soon as they come in contact with a man, they don’t think, Is he cute or handsome? No, it’s Can he be my husband? And they start that I’ll-show-you-I-can-be-a-good-wife game from moment one.

Which leads to my next question: What’s the best way to end a relationship?
Get out fast, and don’t leave anything behind.

I notice you’ve got an ankle tattoo — a Celtic cross.
Yeah — isn’t that pretty? And then I have a tattoo here … [Tugs her waistband down about three inches to expose a small symbol on her pelvis]

[Stares] Hey … that’s … really … nice … Is … that … some … kind … of —
OK, OK. [Covers up again] It’s a small shamrock. I think I’m gonna get another tattoo. They’re so addictive. There’s nothing like walking into a tattoo parlor and hearing that nnnnnnnn buzz of the needle. I took my aunt to get her first one last week. She wanted a shamrock like mine.

Same place?
No, on her ankle. She’s 85 years old.

I wonder what she thinks of your steamy movie sex scenes.
Well, girls have to do those scenes all the time. I remember doing the sex scene in Red Rock West. I had to kiss Nic Cage and then look like I was going down on him. And he couldn’t do anything — he just had to lie there. I find that men get a little more freaked out about those scenes than women do — or maybe it’s just the men who have to do them with me.

Do you believe that no guy is interested in being just friends?
Totally. But I don’t think that’s such a bad thing. I just think girls need to get with it; use it to their advantage. Come on! You can have guys washing your car and filling it up with gas.

Somehow I doubt you’ve got your current boyfriend, Jack Nicholson, scrubbing your car.
Oh, I don’t talk about Jack and me. Some things are too good to share.

Fair enough, but do you have a favorite movie of his?
I just saw Reds, and I was quite taken with him in that.

Is Jack a Maxim reader?
He will be now!

In Happiness you played a writer who gets turned on by obscene phone calls. How do you react to them in real life?
Um, when that happens, it always ends up that I know the person.

A call like that can be fun.
Come on — phone sex is the biggest joke. "Oh yeah, I’m turned on, too!" And let me tell you something: We’re lying. We’re not doing all that stuff we’re telling you we’re doing.

Sounds more like a crank call.
Until this star-69 thing happened, I was very fond of crank calls. In high school we’d phone the school on the day we had a test and make a bomb threat. They’d evacuate everyone and cancel the test.

You’ve been the focus of gossip about actresses who are perceived to be unhealthily thin. What’s your reaction?
It’s a shame. Everybody wants to solve everybody’s problems. If I had a boob job, I wouldn’t be on the cover of People, because there are hundreds of actresses who are my weight but have huge fake boobs, so men don’t seem to think they have weight problems. I don’t have a problem with my body. I don’t diet, and I’m not hiding anything. I’m not going to be the subject of a movie of the week 10 years from now.

But the whole issue is such a big deal right now.
Totally. We’ve had millions of people die in earthquakes recently. But until something really sensational happens — like somebody famous killing their wife — the Hollywood story is going to be about women who must have something terribly wrong with them, because they can’t be that thin unless they throw up or take laxatives.

Got any big plans for New Year’s Eve?
The year 2000 — I obsess about it. OK, here’s the thing: Why are people making all these crazy plans that involve airports and phones? Like, yeah, let’s go to Guam — and the computers crash for four months. I may be quite fine just hanging out in my living room … or bedroom.

What’s the oddest thing we’d find in your bedroom?
I’m afraid of the dark, so I have a lot of night-lights. Also, probably my retainers in my nightstand. But I know somebody who has a bedside urinal. How do I compete with that?

What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed in bed?
Four days. [Laughs] With somebody — maybe a day.

What are your favorite vices?
Coffee and smoking are the last great addictions. [Wags lit cigarette] Not that I promote smoking. Disgusting habit. It’s not attractive. You know what? I’m lying there. I don’t think it looks good on a woman, but it can look great on a guy.

In that case, gimme a light. Have you ever tried to sneak a smoke on an airplane?
Oh, yeah — you can get one good puff. Then you have to exhale into the toilet and flush the butt at the same time.

Some other guilty pleasures?
Oh, I don’t feel guilty about them.